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Imagine for a moment a situation of sorts...
A scenario,...a married couple having a conversation about a super sensitive topic…
How will it end?
Read on to find out!...
The director yells, ACTION!!!
The scene opens in a quiet suburban kitchen.
A man is sitting at his kitchen counter with his head in his hands.
The man's wife walks in, she is holding multiple shopping bags full of new clothes for herself.
She notices her husband sitting at the counter in obvious despair.
She asks him,
“what’s wrong," in a soft but dismissive tone.
The Husband, with his hands on his head, turns and looks at his wife and says in a soft-hesitant tone,
“I lost my job…”
The wife’s face turns red, and with an angry tone she says to her husband, “I hope you have something else lined up. I have a hair and nail appointment and I'm not canceling it!”
The Husband turns away with a feeling of unworthiness.
The Wife walks off quickly to try on her new clothes.
The director yells, CUT!!
The above scene is just one example of toxic behaviors that are destroying relationships at work, at home, and with friends and family. Today’s blog is all about how to defend yourself against BEING A TOXIC PERSON.
We will start off by outlining some examples of toxic traits and then talk about some simple things you can do to work on them.
Our first toxic trait is the Narcissist. They tend to only care about themselves. You may have recognized that our opening scene was about a person exhibiting Narcissistic behavior. The Wife in that scene was completely ignoring the fact that the Husband was hurting and was in need of love. She dismissed his feelings and went right to caring only about herself and what she might be losing in the situation.
This is one of many toxic traits that are wreaking havoc upon relationships worldwide.
There are many recognizable traits in ourselves and those around us, and some traits we are oblivious to altogether. We outline just a few toxic traits in this blog, but we believe that knowing yourself through self-examination is the greatest way for change and healing to begin. Then action can be taken to remedy the behaviors we believe aren't serving us. Here are a few toxic traits that can be damaging to ourselves and those around us;
-The Controller, who tries to control everything around them.
-The drama magnet, who feeds off gossip and drama.
-The energy vampire, who drains you of your energy and overwhelm you.
-The compulsive liar, who tells white lies constantly.
-The green eyed, someone who is jealous and cannot be happy for other people.
You may, or you may not, have recognized one or more of those toxic traits in you or someone you love. Our goal with this blog is to bring awareness to this delicate but damaging topic and provide you with tips on how YOU can work to overcome them if you feel you may be exhibiting these behaviors.
Just to be clear, we are not licensed therapists or psychologists. Some toxic traits may be linked to personality disorders and can often be the result of low self-esteem or unresolved trauma which may require professional help. Please seek help if you feel like you might need it.
This blog is meant to stir your mind and get you to take action. Use this blog as a stepping stone and continue your research for optimal results.
Ok, let’s get to it.
After we recognize we may have a toxic trait or two, we can begin to move forward and work to consciously reprogram our mind to change the behavior.
Our first tip in overcoming toxic traits is to recognize when and how it is being expressed.
Journaling at the end of the day and recapping your experiences is a great way to help you uncover toxic behaviors and pinpoint what may be triggering it. You can then work to formulate a game plan of how YOU can approach the next situation differently.
A great next tip is to practice apologizing for your behavior and make sure to be sincere. We all step out of line sometimes. Make it a habit to apologize often and as soon as possible.
Please understand that saying sorry doesn't mean it’s ok to repeat a toxic behavior again and again. Say sorry and mean it, and work to not make the same mistake again.
Another great tip is to practice being open and receptive to feedback. Allowing others to openly express how they feel is super crucial for healthy relationships.
A big step in overcoming these behaviors is to work on past traumas, there's an old saying that rings very true in, "hurt people, hurt people". Life can leave some very real wounds that are hard to heal without intentionally working on them.
Seek to actively heal that area of your life and through healing, life tends to become much more enjoyable. You can do this your way, or however you choose, but make sure you approach it with love and consistency.
You cannot fight fire with fire. Love is the answer, always. Ask for help if you are in need.
Another great thing you can do is practice mindfulness. Most people don't mean to be toxic. To practice, pause yourself in moments where you start to feel yourself reacting, ask yourself why you might be reacting that way. This helps to break up negative thought processes and trains your mind to make better decisions.
Mindset training goes hand-in-hand with mindfulness, working on your mindset can train you to be more disciplined with your thoughts and help you to make better decisions in the moment. Youtube is loaded with mindset training content. A simple YouTube search is a great place to start. We like speakers such as; Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Joe Rogan, and Jim Rohn, just to name a few.
Let’s not forget, using things like meditation and breathwork is absolutely proven to help the brain and body function better. It’s a super good idea to try both together and build a daily practice around it. Just 5 mins a day can help you to recenter and bring you back to a calm, more relaxed way of being. This will help you make better decisions and hopefully dispel any toxic behaviors.
A point of major importance is to make sure to respect others boundaries and pay attention to whether or not you are abusing them. Allow others their space if they feel offended, and let them come back to you when they are ready. You cannot force anyone to feel a certain way. The best thing to do is to give them space and send them love.
Sometimes people just need space and time.
Always seek opportunities for compassion. Treat people as you would like to be treated. Forgive yourself and others. You're not a bad person, just someone trying to get through life's difficulties.
If we want to be treated well, remember to always stay positive and loving towards others.
The ultimate goal is to not repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Most people who love you will appreciate you working on yourself..but that will only go so far…so stay committed.
By practicing these simple helpful tips, you will be well on your way to having non-toxic, healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationships. Every positive change you make will better your life and the lives of those around you. Lead by example.
We only covered a few tips in this blog. If you can manage to add these tips to your daily routine, you will be well on your way to becoming a better person and having a happier, more fulfilled life.
We thank you for reading our blog post and we trust these tips will help you on your healing journey. Always remember, working on yourself and getting help is a sign of strength..not weakness!!
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Thanks again and remember….
YOU’RE WORTH IT!
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